Into The Abyss

When someone says 'I am brave' they are just empty words with nothing to back it up.  I tried to be brave but there is a fine line between being brave and being stupid.  I said to myself that I was being brave but everyone around me has told me I was being stupid, they all said there was no one there but I know what I saw.  The reason why I'm here lying in a hospital bed next to these annoying, beeping machines is not because of some stupid stunt I did.  It's because I was being brave.

On that bridge there was a girl and she jumped!  I can remember it, I can remember her face when she turned to smile at me before taking the plunge over the edge.  Everything seemed to stop; the cars driving, the wind blowing, the birds flying and my heart beating.  I don't know why she did it but I couldn't let her die, that is one thing I knew as soon as I saw her.  I had to get to her, that meant I had to cross the road and fast so I started to run.  Now that I was on the move so were the cars and I had to dodge them, a few started angrily honking their horns at me and one nearly clipped my leg but I managed to make it across unharmed.  This is where she jumped off, I looked over and there in the river flailing around was her struggling to keep afloat.  She was going to drown.  I couldn't let that happen so I stopped standing there watching, ripped off my jacket forgetting about the chilly winter breeze and jumped in after her.

The air was cold yet it felt like my entire face was burning as I dived off the bridge heading for the deep dark rushing river below.  When I hit the icy water it felt like I was smashing through a solid brick wall, my entire body started to sting from the impact then the cold hit me but I had to ignore the pain as she was in trouble.  Forcing my way through the frosty river I almost got dragged down by it's current a few times but I kept swimming.  I kept swimming for her.  Dotted throughout the river there were rocks protruding above the surface just enough to get a good grip on and I had to grab one to be able to look for her.  She could have already drown but I couldn't give up.  I had to be brave.  I had to find her.

After a quick glance around I saw her getting dragged by the river to the 'Rocky End' as we call it where the rocks in the river are mostly spiked and all near each other.  If she got dragged into there she would end up being shred to pieces so I had to hurry.  I used the rock to propel me towards her and with the river flowing I got good speed, I was getting closer to her.  The closer I got the more rocks started popping up and I had a tough time dodging them all as I knocked into some but not enough to do any serious damage.  Then I was close to her so I pushed myself a bit harder just enough to be able to grab her.  I gripped onto her wrist and pulled her up, I went under for a few seconds but bobbed back up and this time she was with me.  I never let go of her wrist and I never spoke to her I just swam while holding her.

When we started to get close to the river bank I got swept by the current and knocked into one of the sharp rocks.  I could feel it piercing and then slicing into my thigh, instinctively I cried out in pain but still held her wrist.  I would not let go.  With the pain in my leg I had to force myself to make it up onto the river bank and drag her with me but finally, I made it!  She was out of the water and when I looked at her she lay there smiling and at first I thought she was dead but when her chest started to move my worries disappeared.  I got her, thankfully she didn't die.  That's when the cold took hold.

My chest was feeling more constricted, breathing started to slow down, my body was shivering uncontrollable and my head started to spin.  She must of been feeling exactly what I was maybe even worse but when she stood up and started walking she showed no signs of what I was feeling.  The pain in my leg started to increase and I could feel a slight warmth come from my thigh and start rolling down the rest of my frosty water soaked leg.  I started to forget what I was doing there, why was I in pain and who was the girl in front of me.  My heartbeat started to slow down.  My knees gave out and I collapsed to the ground.  When I tried to move my hand to give me some support it wouldn't do what I wanted it to do instead it reached for the sky above instead of the ground below.  Then my vision started fading; the river disappeared, the sky disappeared, everything disappeared.  The last thing I saw was the girl I forgot about and she spoke to me "Thank you for coming after me.  I hope you survive after what you just did."   My body stopped shivering then I couldn't see, hear or feel any more.

I woke up in the hospital after that where I was lying in some plain grey room hooked up to machines doing who knows what with no idea what I was doing there.  I tried to move at first but that caused a pain in my leg and I remembered the cut I got from that rock.  That's when everything came flooding back and I could remember why I was here.  She was the reason why I was here.  Then they started flooding in: family, friends and doctors.  Each of them wanted to know why I jumped into the river but when I told them the story not one of them believed me.

First to have a go was my mother, "Jace why did you do something so stupid! Jumping into the river like that.  You could have died!  Don't you care about what could have happened to you!"  Next it was my friends, "Dude you have to be out of your mind, there was no girl.  Jumping off the bridge for no reason.  Your lucky we were fishing down the river or you would be dead!"  Then last was the doctor,  "You are lucky to be alive young man.  What with the injury you sustained on your thigh and that serious case of hypothermia.  You should be thankful for your friends who found you and called the paramedics.  If you got here ten minutes later there may not be anything we could of done for you.  It was a very stupid thing to do."  I tried to ask about the girl but they all thought I was delirious and stupid.

They say there was no girl near where I was found or any girls admitted with hypothermia like they said I had.  My act of bravery to save that girl had turned into an act of stupidity by this group of people.  They can say what they want but I will not believe them.  When I close my eyes I can see her face.  Even in the face of death she could smile with such beauty and joy that I would follow her into the abyss.  The eyes I saw were an impossible, hypnotizing, luminescent green which could steal your soul.  Her skin even drenched in freezing water showed a warmth and complexion that could compare to a goddess.  Her hair shone like the first ray of sunshine at sunrise and every time I close my eyes that is what I see of her.  When it's all quiet I can sometimes hear the words she spoke, her voice is soft and beautiful like a welcoming angel.  They all may want me to forget her but no matter what, I can not do that.  I will not do that!

********************************************************

It's been three months since that incident occurred and now I can finally walk without a limp as my leg is fully healed.  People still say I am stupid for what I did, no one believes what I saw, well why would they when she was not there when I was found.  Sometimes I start to think I may have been seeing things but then I close my eyes, remember her and I keep my belief.  Today I finished my last session with a shrink which I was forced to attend by the police as they thought I was trying to commit suicide.  Thankfully I won't have to see the shrink anymore because some days he would believe my story then on other occasions he would say it was all a figment of my imagination.  He was the crazy one not me.  To get to the shrinks office I had to go into the city, I don't live in the city I live in a small village just past the city limits.  The bridge that girl jumped off of is the crossing out of the city and into a stretch of road leading to where I live.  After having my final session with the shrink instead of going straight home I take a stroll to the one place in the city where you see all.  I found this place one day after I got bored and just stumbled upon it.

After going through all the city; past the skyscrapers, around the traffic, under the railway and through the Main Street.  That brought me to the place where I want to be, all I got to do now is climb.  There's a mountain of steps to climb until you get to the top but when you get there it is well worth it.  I stand at the top slightly out of breath looking across the horizon and the view is astounding.  I'm standing on an old unused building which the only reason it is still here is because of it's historic value to this place but at the top you can see another reason why it should stay.  I can see the entire city from here.  From the shopping district to the apartment blocks.  From the giant skyscrapers to the tiny bars.  I can even see the bridge at the end of the city.  This place is my piece of refuge.  I take a seat and dangle my legs over the edge, there's a handrail low enough to rest and lean my arms on.  As I look down I can see people going about their daily lives, doing shopping, going to work, walking the dogs, playing with their children and much more.  I can see a group of people heading for a lecture hall at the university and I notice one person there.  The person they all said doesn't exist.  The person I risked my life to save.  She is there and she is real.

The same steps I climbed up seemed to be much less as I flew down them.  This may be the only chance I get to see her so I run as fast as I can not letting the steps get in my way.  I make it down to the street and head for the lecture hall.  Everything around me is slowed down and all I can focus on is that one building.  Obstacles be damned, anything that got in my way I got around and that includes people, animals, vehicles and buildings.  Nothing would stop me from getting to her.  A pain in my leg started but I had to ignore it, it seemed my leg isn't fully healed, to force myself to get to her.  When the lecture hall was in front of me everything returned to normal except my heartbeat.  I could feel it beating out of my throat, it was so strong if someone got close to me they would probably hear it.  Then I walked in.

In the hall there were students everywhere some who I knew gave me a greeting while there were a lot who I did not know.  The only ones that mattered to me were that group who walked in because she is with them.  I quickly searched around for them.  After a few minutes of searching I noticed them about to walk into a lecture.  I raced over to them and watched as they went in, I noticed one girl and so I got closer for a better look but when she looked at me I could tell it was not her.  That girl held a resemblance to her but in the end she is not the one.  I guess I saw wrong after being so high up.  Now I didn't care about any obstacles and knocked into anything on my way out.  Some people got angry by this but just give a growl and carried on.  When I got to the entrance I glanced back to take one last look, just to make sure she was not there.  Amongst all the people there I could not find her.

If I think back to what I remember at the end, that girl was absolutely fine after almost drowning in the freezing water.  After saving her I immediately felt the cold but she seemed unaffected by it even though she was in the water longer than me but that is impossible.  Maybe I was imagining things, maybe I want her to be real so badly I created her image in my mind.  Perhaps what I thought was me being brave and diving into the river to save a girl was just me being stupid and jumping over the edge.  Everything that people have said came crashing down on me, I was barely able to stand under the weight of what I just thought so with my head to the ground I turned to the door to head out.

Walking out of that hall I can't describe the feeling of my mind collapsing in.  It's as if a blanket of darkness had been wrapped around me and then hit repeatedly with a sledgehammer.  It doesn't feel too good.  With the way I feel the sun seems even brighter than what it was and so I look up but there standing before me is the one I followed into the abyss with that exact same alluring smile.  She is real.  She speaks with her angelic voice.

"So you survived then."

Part 2 Link